Be Safe.

THE SEX TALK (with your new partner)

Introducing the idea of sex into a relationship might seem stressful. Here are some suggestions to get you started. You don’t have to use these, but they might help:

“Do you enjoy sex? I know I sure do.”
“Should we hook up?”
“I’m ready to have sex with you. Are you ready to have sex with me?”
“What sort of condoms/dental dams have you used in the past? I’ll pick those up.”
“So… sex?”

Sexual honesty between partners can help stop the spread of STIs. And that’s pretty great. Here are some STI/Sex related conversation topics that come up from time to time.

 

Telling someone they might have an STI

“I just got some news today that could affect you. Let’s chat.”
“This isn’t the easiest to talk about, but I need to let you know you about something.”
“Today I found out I have an STI. You might have one too.”

It’s probably not your conversation topic of choice, but here’s some information that might help in the event that you need to let a partner know he or she may have an STI.

Talk Sooner Than Later

The sooner someone is treated for an STI, the better. That’s why it’s important to tell your partner about an STI as soon as you can. Getting tested and treated early is always best, however, some STIs may not show up on a test right away, so you may be asked to come back for more testing later on. To find out where you can get tested, click here.

Reactions May Vary

It’s hard to predict how a person will react to this kind of news. Sometimes people need time to let it sink in, and sometimes people are ready to talk right away. Either way, you’re doing the responsible thing by starting the conversation early.

“Before we proceed, I’m living with an STI”
“I have something, it’s manageable, but it’s there. Let’s talk.”
“Before we get started, I have to tell you something. I’m living with an STI. If you have any questions, just let me know.”

There’s more to you than your STI. Bringing it up with a new partner might seem a little awkward, but talking about it openly and honestly is a really good start.

The Right Time To Talk About It

You’ve gotta pick your moment, but it is important that it happens before you have sex. It might seem like the right moment never comes, but think about this: the longer you wait to talk about your STI, the harder it gets to bring up—especially if sex is already happening.

Remember: Sex partners may pass infections to other partners without knowing—or even back to you if you’ve been treated and they haven’t.

Get to Know Your STI

Whether or not it’s curable, knowing all you can about your STI is essential. Study up on what you have, learn the symptoms and how its passed from person to person.

Different forms of protection can lessen the chances of transmission. Having the answers to possible questions shows you’ve taken responsibility and are in control.

Learn more about STIs.

Possible Outcomes

It’s nice to think that your conversation is going to go as smooth as a fresh brazilian—and it might—but reactions may vary. First, don’t be surprised if your partner is totally accepting. It does happen. And then sometimes, partners get mad, surprised or even a little judgmental. Give them time.

It’s also important to have other people to talk to. Friends are good, and so are health professionals. In this regard, whatever feels right is best.

Worst Case Scenario: your partner wants to end the relationship. That’s life, but it doesn’t mean your sex life has to be over.

People who have had an STI or are living with an STI go on to have great sex lives. You will too.

Sex History 101

You have a past and so does your partner. Maybe you have something to say, or maybe there’s something you’d like your partner to tell you. Some things are best kept private, but you deserve to know if you are at risk, and your partner does too.

To learn more about your partner’s sexual past, ask something like:

“Sex with you will be amazing, but before we start, I just want to make sure we’re both up to date on getting tested.”
“I want to know all about you. Even if you’ve had an STI.”

To inform your partner about your sexual past, say something like:

“I want to start things off with us being completely honest. There’s something I’d like to tell you before we have sex.”
“I want to tell you everything about me. First off, this isn’t my first time.”

You can always get more information from a doctor or nurse on how to talk to your partner about STIs. To find one nearby, click here.

Date Idea: STI Tests!

Okay, it’s probably not the best date idea, but if you feel the need for you and your partner to get tested, here are some things you can say:

“Before we have sex, I’d like to know that we’re both healthy. Let’s get tested.”
“Not all symptoms are obvious. Sometimes people don’t know, let’s get checked for peace of mind.”
“It’s been a while since I’ve been tested. How would you feel about us both getting checked?”

Where to Get Tested?

You can always visit your family doctor, or click here to find a sexual health clinic nearby.

 

 

And that’s my boundary (Comfort Levels)

Everyone has boundaries when it comes to sex. With new partners it’s not always obvious. Encouraging open and honest communication can help you navigate through some potentially awkward/awesome conversations.

Try phrases like:

"I'm not really into

oral

sex with the mouth and the genitals

rimming

sensual butthole licking

spanking

hand pats on buttocks

golden showers

the act of peeing on yourself or your partner

scarification

cutting your skin during sex

fecal play

poop and sex together at once

kissing

sweet, sweet mouth-to-mouth action

hickies

sucking someone’s skin until they bruise

choking

squeezing of the neck

wrestling

wrestling in mud

domination

being bossy in a really sexy way

submission

being a little sissy to someone who is dominant and loving it

fingering

sticking a finger in an orifice of the body, usually a vagina or butthole

hand jobs

rubbing of the penis with one’s hand aka the rub n’ tug

swallowing

ingesting various body fluids, most commonly semen

pegging

when a girl penetrates a guy’s butt with a strap-on dildo

restraints

things used to tie a person up

. But I do like

oral

sex with the mouth and the genitals

rimming

sensual butthole licking

spanking

hand pats on buttocks

golden showers

the act of peeing on yourself or your partner

scarification

cutting your skin during sex

fecal play

poop and sex together at once

kissing

sweet, sweet mouth-to-mouth action

hickies

sucking someone’s skin until they bruise

choking

squeezing of the neck

wrestling

wrestling in mud

domination

being bossy in a really sexy way

submission

being a little sissy to someone who is dominant and loving it

fingering

sticking a finger in an orifice of the body, usually a vagina or butthole

hand jobs

rubbing of the penis with one’s hand aka the rub n’ tug

swallowing

ingesting various body fluids, most commonly semen

pegging

when a girl penetrates a guy’s butt with a strap-on dildo

restraints

things used to tie a person up

. A lot."

“Here’s something I just won’t do

oral

sex with the mouth and the genitals

rimming

sensual butthole licking

spanking

hand pats on buttocks

golden showers

the act of peeing on yourself or your partner

scarification

cutting your skin during sex

fecal play

poop and sex together at once

kissing

sweet, sweet mouth-to-mouth action

hickies

sucking someone’s skin until they bruise

choking

squeezing of the neck

wrestling

wrestling in mud

domination

being bossy in a really sexy way

submission

being a little sissy to someone who is dominant and loving it

fingering

sticking a finger in an orifice of the body, usually a vagina or butthole

hand jobs

rubbing of the penis with one’s hand aka the rub n’ tug

swallowing

ingesting various body fluids, most commonly semen

pegging

when a girl penetrates a guy’s butt with a strap-on dildo

restraints

things used to tie a person up

.”

“I like to get a little rough, but I usually draw the line at

oral

sex with the mouth and the genitals

rimming

sensual butthole licking

spanking

hand pats on buttocks

golden showers

the act of peeing on yourself or your partner

scarification

cutting your skin during sex

fecal play

poop and sex together at once

kissing

sweet, sweet mouth-to-mouth action

hickies

sucking someone’s skin until they bruise

choking

squeezing of the neck

wrestling

wrestling in mud

domination

being bossy in a really sexy way

submission

being a little sissy to someone who is dominant and loving it

fingering

sticking a finger in an orifice of the body, usually a vagina or butthole

hand jobs

rubbing of the penis with one’s hand aka the rub n’ tug

swallowing

ingesting various body fluids, most commonly semen

pegging

when a girl penetrates a guy’s butt with a strap-on dildo

restraints

things used to tie a person up

.”

“Oh geez, I cannot stand

oral

sex with the mouth and the genitals

rimming

sensual butthole licking

spanking

hand pats on buttocks

golden showers

the act of peeing on yourself or your partner

scarification

cutting your skin during sex

fecal play

poop and sex together at once

kissing

sweet, sweet mouth-to-mouth action

hickies

sucking someone’s skin until they bruise

choking

squeezing of the neck

wrestling

wrestling in mud

domination

being bossy in a really sexy way

submission

being a little sissy to someone who is dominant and loving it

fingering

sticking a finger in an orifice of the body, usually a vagina or butthole

hand jobs

rubbing of the penis with one’s hand aka the rub n’ tug

swallowing

ingesting various body fluids, most commonly semen

pegging

when a girl penetrates a guy’s butt with a strap-on dildo

restraints

things used to tie a person up

but if you’re ever into

oral

sex with the mouth and the genitals

rimming

sensual butthole licking

spanking

hand pats on buttocks

golden showers

the act of peeing on yourself or your partner

scarification

cutting your skin during sex

fecal play

poop and sex together at once

kissing

sweet, sweet mouth-to-mouth action

hickies

sucking someone’s skin until they bruise

choking

squeezing of the neck

wrestling

wrestling in mud

domination

being bossy in a really sexy way

submission

being a little sissy to someone who is dominant and loving it

fingering

sticking a finger in an orifice of the body, usually a vagina or butthole

hand jobs

rubbing of the penis with one’s hand aka the rub n’ tug

swallowing

ingesting various body fluids, most commonly semen

pegging

when a girl penetrates a guy’s butt with a strap-on dildo

restraints

things used to tie a person up

, sign me up!”

“You + me +

oral

sex with the mouth and the genitals

rimming

sensual butthole licking

spanking

hand pats on buttocks

golden showers

the act of peeing on yourself or your partner

scarification

cutting your skin during sex

fecal play

poop and sex together at once

kissing

sweet, sweet mouth-to-mouth action

hickies

sucking someone’s skin until they bruise

choking

squeezing of the neck

wrestling

wrestling in mud

domination

being bossy in a really sexy way

submission

being a little sissy to someone who is dominant and loving it

fingering

sticking a finger in an orifice of the body, usually a vagina or butthole

hand jobs

rubbing of the penis with one’s hand aka the rub n’ tug

swallowing

ingesting various body fluids, most commonly semen

pegging

when a girl penetrates a guy’s butt with a strap-on dildo

restraints

things used to tie a person up

= Awesome.”

It’s just that simple. To discover someone else’s sexual boundaries, use your words. Try saying something like:

“So, what are the things you just won’t do? I want to know because I don’t want to make you uncomfortable in the moment.”
“I’m into you, so I want to know about what you like and don’t like to do.”
“Let’s open up, I want you to feel totally comfortable with me.”

These are just some conversation examples. You’ll have your own boundaries, so replace the subject matter with whatever works for you.

 


If you notice just one symptom, get tested.

IF LEFT UNTREATED, STIs can have lasting effects on your health and fertility.

Even without a symptom, always see your doctor or sexual health service if you think you could have been exposed to an STI.

go nowgo now